Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
