Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
