I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
