He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Randomize
