Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Randomize
