sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
