if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
