Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
