You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
