Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
