That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
