Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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