Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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