My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
