I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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