I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
