So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Randomize
