sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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