I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
