In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
