I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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