my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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