All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
