Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
two words...techno handjob
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Randomize
