I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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