If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
