i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
So here I am, sexting at work.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
