She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I didn't notice because vodka
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Randomize
