dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
