I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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