my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
