You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Randomize
