apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
