Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
