she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
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