I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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