I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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