i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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