Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
