I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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