Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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