if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
This is classic penis vs brain.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
