I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
