Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
