dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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