so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
