You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Just cropdusted the office
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
