He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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