I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
