I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
