He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
