3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
The air taste purple.
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