I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
